Yo, Ren. Kiite yo, Ren..

Whatever happens in the past. Stays in the past. She's a different person now. She's with you now. Stop telling yourself pathetic things like "why doesn't she say things like that to me".

I guess, it's the bad guys who always get the girl huh? Be soft and get stepped on. Stop being a douche and man up. Stop crying for ever little shit. I know you feel like shit now, but it all for the wrong reasons. Stop wasting your time like this. You can do a whole with your  wasted time like this, you asswipe. Shut up and man up.

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I'm sorry to all of you that may be reading. But, I guess I don't have many friends that I can actually talk to, so I have to talk to myself very often.

Moon on the water - BECK.mp3

Today, I actually went to look for a job. I passed by a clothing store which has 2 pieces I was eyeing on, and I noticed they were hiring. But the next day I went to inquire about it, they said they were already full and the only places that was left was Tampines and Jurong. Too far, I might consider tamp though, 'cause my honey stays nearby~ ^_^.

In the evening I went over to aaron's to study. Hafidz suddenly called and told us about this paintball job and I was really hooked. 50 bucks for a whole day kakoii ze~! Then, we talked about music and shit. He has a wide variety of songs. He also introduced me to this old anime, BECK. I wondered why I haven't heard of this anime. The music is awesome, especially this "moon on the water" song. I definitely heard this song somewhere else before. But this anime is burning me up. I want to sing again. But, I don't really have any confidence. After the last live I had, the small confidence I build up went crushing down after a few stuff. I know I don't have the talent and I know I won't become a pro. But something inside me is burning. So hot, it gives me chills. Goosebumps. Please, someone? Give me the confidence I need? I want to burst out of this shell. The shell that is not me. I hope someone can accept me for this person I really am.

I think I should just start by practicing shouldn't I? Haha, somehow, I'm scared.. Scared that history would repeat itself. Which is the real me? Maybe there was never one in the first place. Toriarezu, I shall keep practicing until I'm good enough, then maybe I can find people with the same J-rock passion as I do.

Wish me luck.

O.O

I did not just cry at the Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge drama... o.o


OAO. But the scene where Kyohei wore the cloak in the hospital with his mum, was really touching. Thank you chiZUru for introducing that drama to me. HAHA I feel like a sissy now. Okay I changed my mind. NO thank you chiZUru! :(

Agony - The GazettE.mp3

My girlfriend has just flown off to Shanghai for 2 weeks... I hope she has a good flight and a good time there.. I know it's only 2 weeks, but I miss her already.

It's so hard to act in front of your parents you know? The words I want and wish to say to you. My longing for you to hear. But, one wrong move, one slip of the tongue, and it's game over. I miss you, honey.. Hugs that can only be imagined. Kisses that can only be wished for. However, seeing your smile when you left was already good enough for me. Even though I know how hard it is, to not be able to touch someone you love for the last time. I love you.

OKAY! I'm sorry! I apologize to the other readers who might be reading this.. Maybe a little sickening and nauseating for you guys, and you guys might think "PLEASE, it's only two weeks.." haha. I used to be like that too. But my girlfriend kind of rubbed it off on me haha. I know we can still keep in touch through those 2 weeks. It's really hard for me not to say the things I want to, right before she leaves. I apologize once again.. OTL

Now, for Natsu Matsuri~ Today has been quite a long day for me, so I'm quite tired. I tried a pigeon hair (haha) but it looks... weird.. It's supposed to look like this..

"Pigeon" hair (Ruki on the right)

NM was quite fun, because it was my first time there @o@. I know, I'm very green haha. I reallllly wanted to try on a yukata, but I didn't in the end.. Doesn't matter~ I do it next year, when my hair grows out~ : D

There were a lot of people, and of course really adorable kids. How I wish I studied in that school instead of our mediocre, or even badly facilitated and poorly funded, government primary schools. XD Anyways, I met a couple of friends~ Hayashi, Sochii, Lawliet, my JCIG friends, Haruki, Shin (hopefully I didn't miss any..) (Sochii please get well soon~ ^_^). I hope next year more friends would be there~ (and less people? >.< *selfish*)

Haha okay that's it for today~ Please have a safe trip..

-Ren signing off

: (

I'm sorry, Honey.. Please cheer up..

BORED

Sigh, 2 more weeks to my exam... My mum kind of grounded me.. So, I can't go out, but only study at home.. I'm so bored.. Someone save me please?

Aishiteru Kara Hajimeyou - Miyavi.mp3

Even though I had such a tiring day (or a couple of them), I had loads of fun. I hope everybody had fun today.. Sorry to Sochii, Chiru and Lawliet for the FAIL info... I hope you all ate enough, if there wasn't enough, next time I'll treat all of you to ice cream.

As for my Dearest, I hope you could remember how fail the first birthday I planned for you was, I hope you are taking gooood care of Toro. I really hope you enjoyed your own party (even though it was really tiring for you and the trouble I gave you). I hope you enjoyed your presents too. I tried to find presents that you would use this time, more practical ones. HAHA I know it's not very romantic but it would be better than poor Toro that got chucked aside..

This past one year wasn't easy for me. I can bet my whole life and existence that it wasn't easy for you either. However, there would be more problems coming our way. I just hope you have enough drive to survive them with me. I promise I'll try and make your life less difficult. But remember, I'll always love you. Happy Birthday my silly girl. Thank you for being born ^_^.

-Ren

: )

I don't know if you have forgiven me. I don't know if you were pretending cause your aunt was there. But when you said about cooking for me, you made me really happy. I love you. Thank you

Bleed in Chaos - Galneryus.mp3

I really don't wad to say hurtful things or upsetting things in this post. But if you are upset by this post, then I think it will just confirm my point.

Firstly, to start off, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done the things I've done. However, everything has to be about you.. I'm a jerk, but you are never one. You're upset, but I cannot be upset. You want to be comforted, but you never comfort me.

I try to advise you, tell you stuff. Try to cheer you up. You don't listen, there's nothing I can do about it. The most I can do is listen. But negativity and emotions rub off on people. The most you can do while ranting to me, is listen to what I have to say. Listen, and accept. Past few days which things I say haven't came true? Your grades? Your internship? Which one have I not predicted correctly? The least you can do, is trust your boyfriend, who never wants the worst for you.

Yes, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got upset. But can't you spend a little time for the person is trying to cheer you up? You are even free. From last time until now, you have never watched me practice, play or perform (from the side or far away does not count). In the end, I just told you what was really in you mind, and you got mad. Watch my play for a few hours, can even get your mind off things. Sometimes, all a boyfriend wants is for his girlfriend to watch him.. Support him..

Saying I'm a jerk will not work, being mean won't either. You know what will happen if you do it. Don't be a small kid and fight this way la huh? The problem is, sometimes, you will never admit you are wrong..


Lets put this aside now. Today, I lost the mood to play soccer, thus I canceled it, despite bringing a ball all the way to school. In the end, I went to Sochii's place with Chiru and Lawliet~ I had loads of fun there.. I got re-addicted to that song again.. hahaha RAME RAME YO. Sochii dyed hair for Chiru, and herself. And it was awesome~ I learnt a few styling tricks from Sochii-sama, hopefully I'll get as good as her (which will never happen). In short, I had loads of fun. Got my mind off stuff so I could think more clearly. THANK YOU SOCHII FOR STYLING MY HAIR SO AWESOMELY!

-Ren rolling off

Cassis - The GazettE.mp3

Yesterday, Haruki and I were discussing about the "revival" of Ruki from The GazettE. If anyone doesn't know who they are, for your information, they are the best band ever. This band has evolved so much and so quickly along the years, their skill and diversity in genre really commands my respect. Coming September they will be releasing yet another single called "RED". I am honestly looking forward to listening to their upcoming songs and lives. Their showmanship never ceases to amaze me. Somehow I wish I could do some of that haha. So, today my post title will be my tribute to them. This is one of my favourite songs and the song I am currently working on. Please support me~

Back to the topic I want to talk about. In 3 days time,  it would be my dearest's birthday. However, I seem more excited than she is haha. I;m so worried about the planning, but she still wants to take it slow, but her birthday, her choice~ I'm quite anxious to swim and eat and celebrate her birthday. Her birthday, which symbolizes her wonderful existence in this world. To me, it is very important, because her parents gave birth to such a lovely daughter and such a wonderful girlfriend.
However, I'm actually self-conscious about swimming in front of everybody.. I just hope I wouldn't be the only one swimming.. I hope anuar fahmi sora fazui all swim with me.. hahaha too bad the pool is too small, if not we can play some games.. Well, I'm working my ass off for a week now, hoping some miracle will burn off my fat.. But until then~

-Ren ****ing off~

Feeling fine - L`arc~en~ciel.mp3

The ending of today was really fun. I'm happy that I'm not regretting having dinner in Dearest's house. Ah gong, ah ma, yee po, brena's mum, auntie, hung kai, bk and, last but not least, Brenda was there. At least auntie was there, kill some of the tension there hahaha. I don't know why but I feel a lot of pressure there. Like on wrong move can kill my future, haha. But with auntie there, like more happy?? THANKS AUNTIE AND BRENDA!

I hope they liked the chicken and egg tarts I bought for them. I see them eat, I also happy hahaha. Well that's all for now~ I'm feeling so sweet inside, no rj to do too~

-Ren

: (

Looking at the difference in replies between me and your friends. Really makes me sad. Why can't you be nice to me too?

Killing me - L`arc~en~ciel.mp3

Hiya peeps.Today hasn't been a very good day for me ne.. Only thankful that today is a Public Holiday and I don't have to go to school~ But other than that.. No real joy or happiness in celebrating national day.. I'm only glad that my family and I could get around to eat dinner (I'm still hungry) and that I could meet my cousin.

Why I don't really like national day? I don't know.. Be it the boring program... Be it the lousy songs... Be it not loving my country..

I guess everyone has their perspective. Who am I to judge people by saying, "Eew, you like national day? It's so boring. It's like the same every year.." No one likes to be judged right? I don't like to be judged. I have my own reasons and that is that. Everyone has their own reasons. And it's up to us to respect that.

And about my roots... Yes I don't particularly like being chinese, but most of the time I don't really mind? Maybe it's the better geno-structure of the Westerners, or that our ancestors screw us up with their opium? But I don't know why Asians always happen to be lacking in the athletic department. I'm a sportsman, so I guess I would want all the good genes eh? Haha but really, it's not only that. I just don't feel the need to ying sui si yuan / thinking of my roots. To me, I'm just me. I don't like to be labeled or have any un-needed obligations to anything because my colour nor my ancestors determine who I am.

But today, I actually want to touch on the topic of what makes guys tick.. Haha, it varies from guys but these are some that me and my classmates were discussing about. Those golden words that make us bald quicker than MSG.
1)"Whatever". This word alone, can set a village on fire. No guys like their girfriends to not care or abruptly end the conversation. This word can be associated with "anything ba" or "if you say so ba".
2) Ending your sentences with "ba". For some reason, I don't like it. It gives to "whatever" feel to the sentence.
3)Quarreling/Fighting/Serious talking but on FB or on the phone, the girl is laughing with the friend. This makes us feel like we are wasting our time and that you are not 100% paying attention and listening to our heartfelt words.

These are the three things that can really make a guy's brain go boom. There should be more but my brain cant function any longer haha.

On a personal note, recently I felt really like crap. I feel that I can't amuse people anymore. I feel uninteresting. I feel that you are finding the smallest and most ridiculous of reasons to argue with me, where we could all have just listened at acknowledge each others points of view, maybe make a joke out of it. You say you feel insignificant, do you know know how I feel? I don't really believe in karma because I think its a little cruel, but "treat people like how you want to be treated" is all I can say. And lastly, learn to accept things that are told to you, no matter how much you don't like it, because the truth is not always sweet. Everyone has their own ideals and perspective. I respect yours, why can you accept me and my ideals? No one is always right. Remember that.

-Ren: Even raindrops aren't this salty.

♥♥♥

Here is a good luck charm for those that are not feeling well or those who feel down~ cheer up~ ^_^

      ♥♥♥♥♥         ♥♥♥♥♥
  ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥   ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
  ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
      ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
            ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
                  ♥♥

It's not really well made but I spent a lot of time on it.. I hope you guys like it.. I hope those rain clouds will eventually float away for you~

Yoohoo~

Back from such a looong day~

I had to change my blogskin to this RED RUKI one~ I think the grey one was nicer though.. I had to change because I did not know how to edit the codes for the other one!! hahaa FAIL OTL

Anyway, today has been quite a long day~ At first I got up to go to tampines to buy a cake and some curry puff for dearest's aunt who cam back to sg to visit!! yay~ Her aunt is the most fun grown up I've ever been with hahaha she behaves like we are of the same age, it's really refreshing~ I hope she enjoyed the cake I got her..

Next, I went out with my family to MAD JACK! The steak was really nice, though it was quite small. I think all beef taste nice to me hahaha (as long as it is not well done).

Well honey said my "~" at the end of every sentence is weird.. Even though I've been using it since I've met her, she just noticed.. T^T

I hope mochi nii-san is alright~ I'm not quite sure what happened but, mochi nii-san~ You can tell me de! Don't need act strong in front of me de hahaha. It will be our Himitsu~ Don't worry I'll take care of you ne~~ ^_^

OKAY~ I think that's it for today. Quite tired too~ TOMORROW is national day.. So I can rest~ haha I hope you guys like this new blog.. Please give me tips to improve!

Ren signing out~

Tired~

Haha, maybe I'll fix it tomorrow~ I'm supposed to go meet Dearest tomorrow at her aunt's house. We are going to give her aunt a belated birthday~ Well, the element of surprise is gone. But I hope we still have a good time tomorrow~

After that would be dinner with MY family~ Hopefully JJ can come too. DINNER & MOVIE~ any suggestions for a movie?

Well I'm off to be now.. I hope I can wake up tomorrow. Please don't get angry if I'm late, Honey...

FIRST POST!

HELLO~! It's been such a long time since I've blogged. So I decided to make a new one! Less emo and shit~ I'm still working out the kinks, probably need some help with the codes, because it's like alien to me!! haha.

Well, I'm trying out a new colour~ Something brighter and more soothing than before, but still GazettE though! haha maybe you guys or anyone who happen to stumble across this humble blog can give some suggestions? I've forgotten EVERYTHING about blogger... So I really need some help haha~

Well, I'm going off to fix the codes before my battery runs out~


Jaa ne~